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Author Topic: What actually works in personal development? Seriously.  (Read 2939 times)

Offline tobyjensen

What actually works in personal development? Seriously.
« on: September 21, 2013, 06:44:47 PM »
What do you do if you need to make a personal change? So many people (therapists, personal development speakers, life coaches, Tony Robbins, NLP, etc. etc etc) all claim to know how to perform core level change but they can't explain exactly what it is. In order to have a relationship work out change is required at some point. I'm sorry only cuts it so far. I'm positive I found what it takes to achieve core level change but what have you guys found works for you?
« Last Edit: October 20, 2014, 09:54:40 AM by tobyjensen »
Toby Jensen
Master Life Coach

We only create exactly what we believe.

Offline juancito

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2013, 01:33:27 PM »
Toby,
I'm still looking for the Holy Grail for personal change. I think I've had glimpse of it. It was after completely SURRENDERING that I started feeling just a huge love come through me. That love lead to things becoming much easier, trusting that things will work out, and being in total sync with intuition. It was a blissful experience and lead to awesome experiences with the divine.
What have are your experiences with finding your method?

Offline Awesome Minds

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2014, 05:30:35 AM »
We all want to grow as individuals and shed all limiting beliefs, we want success in areas of our lives, that is the point to self help/personal development. So what I am finding that works for me is constant research and study in this field, looking at the different methods available and learning how they work. This has changed my whole outlook over time, I am not quite where I want to be yet, but I have certainly grown a lot.

I guess it comes down to how we have learned things throughout our lives, repetition.

"I'm positive I found what it takes to achieve core level change" I would be interested to hear your views on this.

Offline tobyjensen

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2014, 07:28:17 AM »
Juancito - Sorry for the late reply. I somehow missed this.

That’s right on with trust. If we can trust that things will work out then things tend to work much better. The bigger problem is when stress or pressure cause us to have to work it out step by step. Once this begins our ability to trust goes right out the window. We are consciously looking for exact steps to perform. A system if you will. Surrendering is only part of it.

Many, many people have experienced the change just as you describe it. Well, they often don’t describe it though. They just know something happened and now they are free.

What is this change? Truly, without all the hype and pump of motivational speakers. Everyone in the personal development field has been claiming core level change for decades but they simply can’t explain the exact steps to achieve it. At least licensed therapists have the decency to admit they don’t know what the cure is.

It is also very important to recognize that the many coping skills help a lot. You still have to do many of the things that are being taught. For example, setting your intention (or setting goals) is still required. One of my first principles is to be 100% responsible for everything in your life. Without this then doing what works becomes a hit or miss type of thing.

Is it ok to talk about the preparatory steps for this first?
How did you discover what works for you?
How does this relate to other methodologies? 842 psychological methodologies I last saw listed.
Toby Jensen
Master Life Coach

We only create exactly what we believe.

Offline jamesclouser

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2014, 02:54:01 PM »
Toby,

Have you checked out David Neagle? David is VERY lucid on this subject.

I'm a little biased because he's a client, but I truly believe in the man's work because it has impacted my own life.

We're currently working on a podcast called "The Art of Success Business School," which is the foundation of his teachings.

The first episode is up... and everything else should be up by tomorrow morning.

You can check it out here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/david-neagles-art-success/id849887166

Offline tobyjensen

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2014, 01:41:32 PM »
Just listened to his first podcast. 24 min

He has a nice full, deep voice, wonderful stories, and is generally enjoyable to listen too. Obviously an accomplished public speaker. Sounds like a genuinely good guy with his heart and intention to help you.

It seems to have all the usual things needed for success: 
Hype, pump, push through it, motivational speaking, inspirational
Drive: the #1 factor of success
He seems to mention all the usual topics: business, success, fear, resisting change, clarity, children, beliefs, subconscious mind, law of polarity, increase your wealth, change beliefs, momentum, etc.

This is teaching a skill set. Which of course, learning the skill set of success is incredibly important. What do you do when your core beliefs are not healthy so you can’t learn a successful skill set? When it is a problem to apply the learned skill set? It doesn’t work.

In the first few minutes of the first podcast he asks us to write down what they want out of the next two days with him. While he immediately continues talking. Most people hardly had the time to write more than a word or two. They either wrote love or money. The huge difference in this is actually establishing an intention for something. The main ingredient to this is letting it flow into your heart so you feel it as well as being aware of it. There are many more points to that of course. He does hint at it at the end with the question, “What do you really want?”. But it is not clearly involving the emotion so people don’t realize that is what you are doing. Then they can’t repeat it on their own.

Stories don’t have a high rate of producing change in people for the long term. They do help you feel better about yourself so you want to listen to more of Neagle. But what is the difference between him and the good, healthy, uplifting movies out of Hollywood? I wish stories truly changed us. That would be so fun!

So it boils down to – do you just enjoy listening to David Neagle? Do you like him? Another voice in the crowd telling wonderfully good stories that illustrate general principles to uplift us. It is nice.

What I am asking about is how does the rock bottom alcoholic walk away from drinking forever? What happened? The core root of change. What actually is it?

How does the average person in business double their income while increasing their leisure time, improve the quality time with friends and family, while still growing and developing themselves? That is the true secret that everyone is looking for in this life. A simple direct effective system to produce core level change every single time it is used. Not just another skill set that works for others. A system to root out every single false belief, heal it, and be free forever. To not have to rely on being in a constant state of pump and drive. To change ANY false core belief and be free.

Talking people into wanting to change is not the same thing as changing. David Neagle, Tony Robbins, Oprah, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra – they are all wonderful to listen to. I am talking about something far deeper.
Toby Jensen
Master Life Coach

We only create exactly what we believe.

Offline selfdiscipline14

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2014, 04:42:52 AM »
It starts with willingness and belief..then there's many ways to do it
Get the success secrets! FREE! Self Discipline, Motivation and Inspiration are arguably the deciding forces that decide our success. Get instant FREE access to a 4-part video training at http://www.selfdisciplineacademy.com FREE!

Offline tobyjensen

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2014, 11:27:32 AM »
If you don't have willingness or belief (which most people don't) then we rely on marketing and sales to get you to want to do it. From there we go with hundreds of different personal preferences but only one thing actually causes change or healing. It is the healing of the false belief. Many different things might be needed to heal but only one thing needs to be done to heal. There are many different ways to forgive but only one forgiveness. This often confuses people because they think there are many different ways to cure anger when the facts show forgiveness is the only thing that cures anger. Gratitude does not cure anger. Hard work does not cure anger. Meditation does not cure anger. These things can help get you to forgive but only one thing cures anger.

The same is with healing false beliefs. Only one thing cures it.
Toby Jensen
Master Life Coach

We only create exactly what we believe.

Offline selfdiscipline14

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2014, 02:49:36 AM »
Agreed :)
Get the success secrets! FREE! Self Discipline, Motivation and Inspiration are arguably the deciding forces that decide our success. Get instant FREE access to a 4-part video training at http://www.selfdisciplineacademy.com FREE!

Offline DirkLeRoux

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2014, 09:55:05 AM »
Agree - but with Gratitude you are starting to move towards accepting you life and that will help with the eventual Forgiveness?

Offline selfdiscipline14

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2014, 03:30:21 AM »
Yes, we need to be grateful to heal the past, and we need to take action to work towards the future, our goals and dreams
Get the success secrets! FREE! Self Discipline, Motivation and Inspiration are arguably the deciding forces that decide our success. Get instant FREE access to a 4-part video training at http://www.selfdisciplineacademy.com FREE!

Offline LikeYourLife

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2014, 05:22:39 AM »
All of the people who say they have a way that works more than likely do. But they work on one aspect and some styles will work on one person and not the next. But I have exciting news! There is a holy grail and it's you. Everyone is their own holy grail.

I'm currently setting up the legwork for my upcoming blog on personal growth. Currently my content is drafted at approx 30k of blog content. I try to come at each topic from different angles. Some pieces will be numbered choices, while others will have a call to action, and then others are motivational in nature. Pep talk so to speak.

For me personally what facilitates change is awareness. When you're aware, you begin to notice how each practice impacts you. I like metaphors so I try to take exercises that I like, and integrate them into a metaphor. Or combine the result from the practical exercise with a metaphorical type practice like inner child work for instance.
*Upcoming personal growth blog* Coming Soon!

www.likyourlife.com

Offline ippocrates9

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2014, 10:10:31 AM »
I think that this is not something technical that can take you to the next level. Is your feelings, your energy and your "why" that bring the results up front.  That's my opinion... Although working on your subconscious mind you can see great long term results..

Offline tobyjensen

Re: what actually works?
« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2014, 09:52:16 AM »
I put what works into two categories to start with. There are really four with fifteen sub-combinations but that is just too much to start with.

The two categories are your personal preferences – what works for you because of your personality and beliefs. And what works across the board for everyone.

Included in our personal preferences is the placebo effect. Incredibly powerful and highly adaptable it can change lives overnight. Once we step into the realm of reproducible results on demand - what works tightens up very quickly. The example I use to get us started is only forgiveness cures anger. It works across the board and it works equally well for anyone that does it. Can every single person on the planet do it? No, I think there are currently seventeen people out of around seven billion people that simple are not capable of forgiving – everyone else is a go. (Ha, I just exaggerate the numbers to make a point.)

The point is this. If you are capable of getting angry then you are capable of forgiving.

Now let me tie that back into what works in personal development. Back to the two categories again. Specifically the personal preference category. There are as many different ways to become successful as there are occupations and professions to earn money. One of the reasons that personal development for us Mind Warriors can be so complicated is having to sort out what style of success will work for your personality. There are many different things to do that will work.

Notice that everyone has to do something though. That is across the board in the second category. Nobody can achieve success without having to do something. And we all know this here as well. Nothing new, just connecting action to being a one thing that everyone has to do. Now, what everyone has to do goes back to being incredibly different until you pick a profession. Let us just say a doctor to make it simple. (ha! Like being a doctor is so simple. lols) Anybody who wants to be a medical doctor has to go to school. Medical school is A LOT of action including a ton of passive action in studying.

Do you see how this is narrowing down?

Now with studying there are only a few different ways to go about it. Pick one that will actually work for you and get after it. But what if the different ways of studying simply do not work? Ah, ha! That is where I come in with the method I developed called Gutap. Feel free to google me if you want.

What do you do when what is supposed to be working simply doesn’t?

This is where we get into beliefs – specifically false beliefs or even just limiting beliefs. Our programming is off. And that is what I developed after twenty-five years of research and development. One system to be able to change any belief all the way to our core that works on anybody. (anybody being you have the mental capacity to be aware with cognitive abilities.)


Here are the three steps to Gutap in a nutshell:
1) Feel the feeling of our limiting belief.
2) Find what the positive answer is that it actually wants us to know.
3) Connect the feeling of what it wants us to know and let the feeling of that answer flow into our limiting belief to change it.

That is as simply as I can put it.

Do you see how this method is used when we forgive? The forgiveness (feeling) flows into our anger (another feeling) to heal our anger.

Now to be fair there are over three hundred sublevels, tips, techniques, personal preferences, hints, and suggestions that also come into play in teaching how to deal with the highly personalized false beliefs that some people may have. And to be honest, a bit of the time with my clients the placebo effect kicks in and does it for them. Seriously, how many times have we just been told to “get off it” or “let it go” or take a walk or see it from their point of view to get us to forgive? Tons. Or, the opposite problem, is telling someone to forgive can simply just make that same person even more upset. Gutap is the same way. Sometimes people just want to argue and yell at me instead of seeing what works. I understand. Not everyone is willing or wanting to see progress and development. It can be incredibly scary.

In fact, forgiveness can even be taught as a life skill instead of healing our anger and it could just “accidentally” help us out. How many approaches, styles, methods, or whatever to get us to forgive are there? Tons. See how confusing this can be to figure out just one method to “cure” any limiting or false belief? It took me twenty-five years to do it.

Depending upon interest this thread there is also a simple “ice cream” exercise to demonstrate how it works. This exercise only takes a couple of minutes and can be completely private if needed. I often use this when sharing with people about how Gutap works and people like how simple, clean, and straight forward it is.

The other part of this is skills or the specific action that works. Being able to study that I mentioned earlier. You have healing and skills. Both are needed to one extent or another to achieve success and do what works. How much and to what extent is highly individualized – back to personal preference. Which is why I still enjoy all the different programs, methodologies, books, workshops, and videos that people put out. Different ways to do one thing or just many choices to choose from that can work for you depending on your preference.

Style! It rules the world. Those who have class AND are competent are incredibly wonderful people. And that is one of the reasons why we love our personal development coaches. They are enjoyable to talk to while continuing to grow as people.

Take sales people for instance. Who do you want to buy from – the courteous intelligent salesperson or the mean intelligent salesperson? Both are competent but the mean sales people simply end up costing the business more money by driving customers away.
Toby Jensen
Master Life Coach

We only create exactly what we believe.

Offline adaba063

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Re: What actually works in personal development? Seriously.
« Reply #14 on: November 07, 2014, 01:28:06 PM »
What do you do if you need to make a personal change? So many people ... claim to know how to perform core level change but they can't explain exactly what it is. In order to have a relationship work out change is required at some point.
I have tried several of the things you listed,  and they all worked to some degree.

But,  they never -- as you so aptly put it -- can explain exactly what it is that they do. 

The flip side to that is,  when something does not work,  they cannot explain that either.

I have been a student of Bob Proctor for several years and I think he is the foremost authority on this very topic.

It is all about the mind. 

His teaching is so simple and yet so profound. 

The challenge with his teaching is the application.

Once we understand that it is our sub-conscious mind that is in control of all that we do and all the results we get then we can start to work in re-programming our sub-conscious mind.

I am still learning how to re-program my mind.  The theory is easy.  The daily practical application is what produces the results.

enjoy the journey!